Plumbers assistant

Installed a new kitchen faucet yesterday while Michelle was at work... but never would have gotten it done without Alex's help!

The word "step-parent" tends to retain the stigma attached to it in the past, even though blended families are becoming much more common these days.
Of course, I tend to not think in labels, except for occasional definition needs. But the fact of the matter is, I am a "step-parent" now. Which means somehow the same directions I have always given the kids have an additional weight attached to them.
Its always been obvious that Michelle and I have different parenting styles. Thats true with the vast majority of parents. Add the fact that ive never parented my own child but have many other peoples  and that Michelle has been pretty much the ONLY parent to them their whole lives, and that we are pretty polar opposite... leads to some interesting situations. We are moving along pretty nicely. But at times the logistics of the situation do cross my mind.
The kids are doing well with it. I've been around for a while so its not really different. The only difference I guess is the re-enforcement in some situations. Like the other night I gave Josie a direction and she backtalked a bit, and Michelle scolded her for that. What it came down to it Michelle took back my direction and had her do something differently, but she DID tell Josie that she needs to follow my directions when I give them without argument.
Its little things we learn about each other and the way things work, every day. There are many areas where I am super lax and Michelle is very strict, and vice verse. I tend to be pretty "free range" in that I would be comfortable letting kids stay home alone for short periods, ride their bikes around the block, have a later bedtime, etc. But I am pretty strict about household organization, chores and responsiblities, and routine. I have the patience of a costumed Disneyland character (it comes from my time working in behavioral kindergarten), and am pretty strict about giving one informational message, one warning, and then a suitable punishment that I *WILL* follow through with. I dont make rash threats. (Im not saying that Michelle does/doesnt do any of this, just describing my own style). Anyways. The kids are getting used to it, its going well, and things are running smoothly. Michelle is being wonderful considering she has been the single-handed matriarch of her family for a significant amount of time and I know sharing control isnt easy. But shes being pretty amazing :-)

Mothering Levels

Catching up today on Be A Good Mom after not having read it for a while, and found her breakdown of "Mothering Levels". I like it :-)

Level 1 Mothering: I take care of all your personal, emotional, hygiene, safety and nutrition needs.

Level 2 Mothering: You are responsible for dressing yourself, keeping yourself reasonably safe with moderate supervision, performing basic chores and generally maintaining your own body.

Level 3 Mothering: I am watching you. Show me that you have learned something in Levels 1 and 2.  Lets work together to get you to Level 4, where you can really stretch out. You may go places without me. Heck, I may even go places without you once in a while.

Level 4 Mothering: I supply transportation, emotional support and the opportunity to earn money. You may use the sharp knives. I will no longer pay your library fines. I will no longer buy you fruit flavored toothpaste.

Level 5 Mothering: Check in 2x a day. I will still drive you to the dentist and such. I will no longer pay for birthday presents for your friends.

Level 6 Mothering: Why are you still getting mail here?

Kids' wedding reactions

The kids reaction to us getting married was "Cool." Non-nonchalant. Kind of funny, really. Josie was initially excited to tell people. We told them that they had to wait until after we went to the courthouse to tell people (there was a 3 day waiting period after we got the license before we could actually get married.) Since we got married on Friday, come Monday morning before school Michelle told the kids they could tell whoever they wanted but just to be aware that some people might think it was odd or not understand. Alex came home gushing that he had told every person! Josie came home and hadnt mentioned it to anyone. She is quite socially aware for her age. So while having a lesbian parent is the norm for her, hearing that something may be perceived as odd made her a bit more cautious. By Tuesday Michelle was hearing about it in the halls (The school district where she works and they go to school is quite small and news travels fast.) Evidently Alex was telling every person he came in contact with, from his classmates to teachers to the lunch ladies and the school nurse! And it spread from the elementary to the high school very quickly.
Alex says "Moms" on and off. Josie asked Michelle the day after we got married what she should call me. Michelle said that was up to her. Their little brains are turning, but nothing much has changed. We are existing just as we had.
We did go to Ellensburg once right after getting married and again right before Christmas. Of his own accord, Alex proudly announced to my parents that he now has three grandpas and two grandmas (and more to come once they meet more of my family!). He also clued in that they now have a great-grandma when they met my Gram :-)
On Christmas Eve morning we were at my dads house opening gifts with he and my stepmom BK. They had gotten quite a few things for the kids, that they were very excited about. At one point Alex looked at my dad and said "Hey Dude! You're crying!" And went over and gave him a hug, and then started crying himself. It was the cutest thing I have ever seen. And it was a really wonderful feeling. On Christmas Eve night/Christmas day Michelles mom and stepdad were over and here mom at one point said "One of your moms will help you."
Its the little things :-)

The beginning :-)

So i've realized that I really miss blogging regularly, and im finally at a place where I think I can get into it again. A driving force in my yearn to update in here is that I want a way for my family to get to know... my family.
See, things have changed a bit around here. After a somewhat turbulent year, Michelle and I took a crazy leap and got married on December 14th. Best decision of my life. We are happy, the kids are happy, and life is as it should be.
It came as a bit of a surprise to many people as we didnt tell anyone until after we had gotten married. We wanted it to just be about us and the kids. We were even able to have the kids sign as our witnesses on the marriage certificate! The judge was absolutely amazing, by the end he was even in tears! It was a wonderful day all around.
And now, I have a beautiful wife and two awesome kids and I want to be able to use this as a place for my other family members to get to know them and get a glimpse into our every day life :-)

DIY Advent Caldendar

I totally have an advent calendar obsession. Always have. So this year I found a super cute craft in a magazine. After a bit of modification, I ended up with this:

Supplies Needed:
20x30 foam board
48 styrofoam cups (16oz)
Tissue paper
Glue stick
Scissors
Paint
Prizes!

Lay out 24 cups in desired design on the foam board. Glue the bottom of the cups and place. Leave a little space between cups.
Trace around the top of a cup onto tissue paper and cut out 24 circles.
Fill 24 remaining (unglued) cups with prizes.
Cover the top rim of each filled cup with glue and place a tissue paper circle on each one.
Place each filled cup in an empty cup on the board.
Wait a few minutes for the glue to set and then VERY LIGHTLY paint the tops of the cups. If you press too hard or put too much paint on the tissue paper, it will tear. (If this happens just tear the rest of the tissue paper off and start again with that cup.
Wait until background paint is COMPLETELY dry before painting numbers 1-24 randomly on cups.

Each day leading up to Christmas the kids get to open one cup. Its been a huge hit in my house!

"Grading"

Elementary schools rarely give out letter grades. The reasoning is to encourage kids to do well in school without having the stressor of grades, to feed their natural love of learning and help them to enjoy school.
Of course there has to be some sort of keeping track of a students progress, so typically parents receive a report card a few times each year.

Most teachers give some form of "grade" on the top of the paper, be it a star, a smiley face, or a number. Occasionally teachers will give a percentage on papers, but many more frequently use a 1-4 (or similar) "grading scale" that the show the kids. 1 being below standard and 4 being exceptional. But this just as easily causes stress as letter grades do. And, like with letter grades, teachers never seem to be on the same page.

In middle and high school students learn to understand that they will have to work harder for some teachers than for others. That every teacher grades differently and hold students to different standards. This concept isnt easy to grasp for an elementary student. Josie is only in 2nd grade. She is an exceptional student. And its not just me being partial, I swear! The first time I met her I realized very quickly that she is definatley above average for her grade level. She is one of the oldest kids in her class which may give her a slight advantage, but most of it is just natural intelligence. She can easily read most 3rd/4th grade books. She picks up a new task quickly and seemingly without effort and rarely has to be reminded again. So I know that she should be frequently getting the highest possible marks.

But shes not. Shes bringing home almost all 3's. But in looking through the work, its all perfectly correct. Yet she isnt getting 4's. Michelle asked the teacher at conferences what Josie could do to improve her school performance and get 4's. And do you know what the teacher said? "Oh, she really cant get 4's, none of the kids can." She went on to explain that the highest number she will give out is a 3, if they were getting 4's they would already be in 3rd grade.
This bothers me. You are hanging a number in her face and saying "This is the best you can be, the highest grade you can get" and then turning around and telling her she will never be good enough to get it.

I could probably let it go. It annoys me, but I could get over it. I know that teachers differ in their grading styles. But its bothering Josie. And that bothers me. She feels like she is getting "dumber" because she got all 4's in 1st grade and now she is getting all 3's in 2nd. She is petrified of 3rd grade because she thinks she will get 2's.

There isnt a lot to be done about the whole situation, really. All we can do is re-assure Josie that she IS smart and is doing everything to the very best of her ability, and explain that some teachers just have different rules, it doesnt make her dumb. And hopefully make sure the teacher tells her the same.

Sugar-laced

If you use a reward program in your classroom, please be considerate in what "prizes" you are giving. Especially in a developmental therapy classroom where many kids have behavior and hyperactivity issues, a giant tub of cotton candy isnt the best idea.

You know what I hate?

School fundraisers.

Ok, thats not entirely true. I think that the idea behind them is great. Earn money for your school. But there is a huge flaw in the way that these things are executed.
Fundraisers used to be bake sales and car washes. Concessions at football games or high school band members selling cookie dough. Then came the gift wrap. Catalogs full of gift wrap and candy, passed out to middle school kids who were told to sell to everyone they could corner. But they're not going to do it without bribery. Errr.... encouragement? So a parade of "prizes" is flashed before their eyes; from cheap, dollar store quality frisbees, to flat screen tv's! Yes, children, you can have

Your very own flat screen television if you just sell 1,000 items at $20 each. Piece of cake for a 13 year old, right?

At least by middle school the kids are somewhat self-sufficient, they can go out and do the selling themselves, and they also have more of an understanding of the improbability of getting the top prize.

But the problems is that these ridiculous competitions are not only reserved for teenagers. No, the majority of elementary schools now host catalog fundraisers. Waving shiny toys in front of 7 year olds and saying "You can HAVE this! I

f you sell lots of things, that is." Or rather, if your parents have the time to sell things for you. And your family and friends have the money to buy the overly priced garbage. If not? Sorry, kid. The expectations put on elementary ages kids is ridiculous. I know that a portion of the money goes to the school and im all for that. I worked at an elementary school where we got 10 new computers for our computer lab through fundraisers! Thats GREAT! I saw all of the kids benefit from that. But I also saw many children crying because they didnt get the prize they wanted, or werent able to sell anything at all. Parents dont always have the time to help, and many times dont have the money, as much as they would like to. I support tangible fundraisers. BoxTops and Cambells Soup labels are great, easy ways to earn money for school. But dont make the kids compete at such a young age whe

n they arent even in control of their own selling abilities.

What started me on this tangent today?

This is my nephew. He's pretty much the coolest kid ever. He was born 2 days after my birthday, and is the best present i've ever gotten. I love him. Im insanely protective of him.

His mom asked me today if I liked Scentsy. It seems that Kayden's PRESCHOOL is doing a fundraiser selling Scentsy products. Only the top three sellers will get prizes (A Scentsy Buddy stuffed animal), and the teacher is allowing her own children to compete. These are 3-5 year olds! What is WRONG with people!? A part of me wants to buy every damn thing out of the catalog so he wins by a landslide. Another part of me wants to punch the teacher in the face. Mostly I just want to buy him one of the stuffed toys and tell him to just do his best, and that fundraisers are really meant for older kids. Ugh.

Ruts

I read a post yesterday on Be A Good Mom about just being overwhelmed as a parent and housewife. She ponders if she should only blog about the happy times, or be real and honest, and then talks about daily life struggles that we all deal with. Here is part of my reply:
Ive worked since I was 14 and always enjoyed working. So when I landed in a kind of stay at home mom position with my partner and kids, it was strange. I found myself really loving it, to my surprise. But then id find myself snapping at the kids (5 and 7) for making a mess the minute they got home when I spent all day cleaning. Or begging my partner to go somewhere together when she got home,, even grocery shopping,, just to get out of the house. But she worked all day teaching high schoolers and just wants to relax.
Now i’ve doubled the duty. Im working again, as a live-in nanny for 5 kids. Kids are my passion and I love the job, but im constantly exhausted and at my wits end more than id like to admit. I have girls that are 3 and 4 that require much more assistance than im used to. Yes, they can play by themselves, but they still need me to help them do so many things and are either questioning or complaining most of the time (I am thankful there are two of them, at least.) Ive got a 7 year old boy with behavioral issues that is home half day, and he wants my undivided constant attention. Since hes missing school half the day I have to fight with him to do extra schoolwork at home to keep him on track. Then after school the other two 6 year old boys get here, and then its just pandemonium.
Its a struggle to find balance and solace for sure. I thought joining the gym would be a great escape…. but im too exhausted to enjoy it. But there are great times where I find bribes or rewards that work so perfectly either at work or home, and it makes the next week or so run smoothly till I lose it again and go zombie for a while, and then another solution to something comes up.
And, when all else fails, they get pizza and a movie for dinner and I get a bottle of wine!

There are some days at work where I do feel like im going to lose it a bit. But I get through it and the next day comes and goes, and I make it home on the weekends and remind myself that the kids are acting crazy there because they miss me all week, theyre not just misbehaving. And We work through it all.